196 Excerpts

Passengers Alight Return Bus at Pudu Raya

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KUALA LUMPUR, June 22 - It has been made known that the people going to Pulau Redang on the 8th of July will be departing from Hentian Putra, and returning to Kuala Lumpur on the 12th of July at Pudu Raya. In a statement released by Ryan, whose cousin had bought the return tickets to Kuala Lumpur, he wishes that the other people going to Redang take note of the place of arrival, and plan their travels back to their respective homes accordingly. However, he failed to provide details on the departure and arrival time. Speculators believe that it is highly probable that the bus will depart Terengganu in the morning, and they are awaiting confirmation from the source. Passengers are reminded to inform their parents/guardians/LRT operators/goldfish of this new piece of information to avoid any misunderstanding.

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Traffic Volume Decrease: Petrol Prices or Euro 2008?

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DAMANSARA, June 23 - Many local Malaysians newspapers have reported decreased traffic volume heading in and out of the Kuala Lumpur city centre, even during the peak hours, in the last week. Although reporters and politicians have attributed this to the 40% price hike in petrol, effective earlier this month, local researchers beg to differ. Scientists from the Damansara Utama Medical Base in collaboration with the Sri Hartamas Institute of Technology conducted a study on the effects of the recent 2008 European Championship, usually shortened to Euro 2008, on the general Malaysian population.

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In a report that is due to be published after the researchers cheer on their favourite team in the Final, one of the few more apparent effects of the Euro craze is a decrease in work attendance, and a decrease is the usage of cars. According to a groggy-eyed Professor Noh Ai Der, men, who make up a substantial percentage of the Malaysian workforce have been staying up to 5 am to watch every tantalising second of the games, live and exclusive from Austria and Switzerland on television. With only less than 3 hours of sleep for, at the very worst, a few consecutive nights in a row, these less-than-alert drivers have decided to do the responsible thing, and avoid driving to work. He adds that, it may not even be altruism that propels this act, and that it may be simply an act of self-preservation, that is, to avoid being hit and/or injured and/or killed by another driver who fell asleep on the wheel.

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A field observation showed that those who decided to not skip work, crowded bus stops and LRT stations in hope of being able to catch forty winks on their commute heading to their workplaces. But, they were bitterly disappointed, as they were shoved and stepped constantly by other like-minded workers, and reached their offices worse off than when they got out of bed. A DUMB researcher, who declined to be named but wished to say that he was a Spanish supporter, cited that almost 50% of the 200 Malaysian men surveyed who previously drove to work gave the Euro as an excuse for taking the public transport to work and that 90% of them were supporters of Spain. However, he didn't deny the possibilty that the increased petrol price tainted the survey a little, since no question related to it was included in the survey form.

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While sceptics are trying to disprove the DUMB - SHIT report on the the Euro, by planning to monitor the traffic volume after the Euro has ended, the conflict arising from the difference of opinions is quite reminiscent of rivalries between conflicting football teams. Certainly, this is one time the Beautiful Game and the Beautiful Mind have come together to create an interesting result.