056 Just For The Record

I’ve just spent the weekend sitting around typing, and hopping around on one foot with the help of an umbrella. I have not gone upstairs for the last 50 hours and things have been going really slowly. My Independent Study is half-done with 1500 words out of the required 2500-3000 words. So, while I have not been thinking about my KI and IS, I’ve been formulating thoughts for my blog on current affairs in Singapore and Malaysia, keeping my ears and eyes open for any interesting issues. I always think I never do enough justice on each issue due to time constraints and trying to keep the length down. I have no editor like in the newspapers so, it tends to run over 1000 words per entry and I know people find that really annoying. I daresay, I think the number of words in my entire blog has come close to 50000 words, with the amount of things I have to say for each topic.

So, in this entry, I’ve decided to temporarily throw out the seriousness that has dominated my last two entries, for something more whimsical. This year is Malaysia’s 50th anniversary of independence, a (something, I think it’s golden) jubilee, and an important milestone in the country’s history, a country that has been dominated by some rather strange creatures call Malaysians of many races, including the major ones in Sepang. This group of native creatures interact quite happily with one another and despise their officious neighbours, the Singaporeans, who live on a small island off their country, accusing them of being kiasu, obsessive sand-lovers and bridge-haters. Malaysians themselves hold a few things close to their heart. These include cheap “roti canai” and “teh tarik”, Prime Ministers’ marriages, pointing fingers at each other, coming up with the most ambitious projects, being proud of themselves and most of all, creating and breaking records in the Malaysian Book of Records to preserve the “Malaysia Boleh” spirit, especially when the 50th Independence Day is just around the corner.

This is a favourite Malaysian past time, and ever since the idea was conceived some years ago, Malaysians far and wide have been creating new records and attempting to break them. Yes, we have the largest roti canai, highest tariking of the teh tarik, longest line of people making satay, longest line of people jumping over bamboo sticks, longest car endurance race, not to mention the tallest twin towers in the world, which is already a world record. This year, we are expecting yet another motivated flurry of records to be made to celebrate the 50 years of independence and I’ve decided to contribute to the cause by suggesting a more few ideas, for the preservation of the Malaysia Boleh spirit, simply because I’m also just another Malaysian who is proud of his country.

- The fastest land speed achieved by an ordinary car on a Malaysian highway, however, I fear, much to the chagrin of Malaysians; this record is going to be held by some Singaporean.
- The largest amount of Along advertisements stickers pasted on a single metal shutter.
- The loudest sound made from breaking open wet paper napkins in a Chinese Restaurant
- The largest number of durians eaten by a single Malaysian in a single durian eating session
- The largest number of coconuts plucked by a coconut-picking monkey in a an hour
- The longest queue at a toll plaza along the North-South Highway
- The longest time spent stuck in a jam at the Kuala Lumpur city centre.
- The longest time spent waiting for a public bus
- The largest pile of rubbish found in the close vicinity of a “No Littering, Fine RM 5000” signboard
- The highest amount of money paid for taxi fare for a trip from Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) to Kuala Lumpur
- The largest number of luggage from a single flight, either misplaced or gone missing, in KLIA
- The largest number of car accidents occurring on a single kilometer of highway.
- The largest bribe paid to a police officer who stopped a motorist for an offence
- The largest amount of passengers that can fit in a single Perodua Kancil.
- The largest amount of old newspaper collected by the old newspaper man in a single day
- The longest queue at a police station when a deadline for paying summons is announced
- The highest number of traffic offences committed by a single express bus driver.
- The fastest time required to climb up all the steps of Batu Caves
- The longest time spent crossing the Penang Bridge during the peak hours.
- The biggest pothole found on a typical Malaysian road.
- Most expensive roti canai and teh tarik sold at a mamak shop.
- Smallest roti canai sold at a mamak stall at the standard price.